beautifuldreams42's Blog

15 But when God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me by his grace, was pleased 16 to reveal his Son in me so that I might preach him among the Gentiles, my immediate response was not to consult any human being."   Galations 1:15-16

I need to start this writing with a disclaimer.  Please know that I am, in no way, saying that I was "set apart" from my mother's womb over anyone else.   I truly believe that we are all set apart, each one of us;  we are all called by His grace to preach about Him if we have accepted Him as our Savior.   And, I am not saying that we all have to get up like famous preachers ~ heavens no!    Our lives need to be the Bible that people read by our actions.   Ok, disclaimer over.  

It is actually not that part of the verse that hit me this morning;  It was the ending.   The writer here clearly states what his response is to be as someone who has been called to preach about the Lord.   His first response is to NOT consult any human beings. I loved that!!  

So, naturally, as I contemplated it, I thought about my own life.  Who do I run to for consultation immediately in my life?  Do I pick up the phone, or do I fall to my knees?   I struggle with different things in life outside of all the things I rejoice about:  Mild depression, self-confidence issues, trust issues, feelings of abandonment issues.    I am a therapist's trip to Hawaii!!   As I thought about these things that I run to friends, family, a counselor or pastor for, I saw a vision of myself.  I was running into the Lord's arms and then falling at His feet.  He sat there and stroked my hair and listened.   It was so clear.   

He is to be my "go to" Person first and foremost in all things big and small.   He is my first line of defense.  He has my best interests at heart, and He is not viewing my problems through His own set of "issues".  I have amazingly Godly friends.  But, no matter how much wise counsel they give me, I have to realize they are seeing it through their own past hurts, current issues, and future fears.   So, while discussing things and talking things out with them is good and fruitful, if I have taken my issues to God first and received His counsel, then I can hear what they are saying through my Rose Colored God glasses instead of my confused state of mind trying to get answers from an equally flawed human being.   (No offense friends....I know you know what I am saying here).  

Human people to talk to about what is going on in our lives is wonderful.  May we all be blessed with the kinds of friends I have.  But, if I can train myself to see His face and wisdom first and foremost in the small things, when the big things come, I will be quick to turn to Him ~ the Lover of my Soul, the Protector of my life.

Many blessings to you this day to all my sweet friends ~ whom I will still be bugging, I am sure.   But, hopefully, it will be in a different frame of mind all together.......God's!!




 

  

"Long ago, the Lord said to Israel: "I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself" (Jeremiah 31:3)


Yesterday, I posted a poem here, and on my blog called "Noticed."  So, often, I struggle with feeling invisible. Obviously, I realize that I am not; or maybe it is just that I wish I was. I am not entirely sure.  I know, though, that deep within me, I am always struggling to be noticed.  But I am afraid of how vulnerable the process makes you.  I watch the people that it seems so easy for and marvel as I shrink back, afraid.   My desire is for deep relationships that transcend the fluff and allow me to know and be known. Still, though, even as I strive in that goal, there is an emptiness in me and much fear. I still stand in the middle of a crowded room and hear myself silently screaming ~ "Does anyone see me?" and then whispering silently "Please don't talk to me ~ I am afraid you will not like what you find."    And round and round it goes. 

I had many people write to me after that poem reiterating that sentiment. There are so many of us in touch with the first stanzas of feeling invisible and are waiting for the last stanza to come true. The last stanza speaks of the man coming, and sitting next to the woman and seeing her. No longer invisible; she is seen. Ah, the craving of each of our hearts truly. At least I did not feel so alone anymore ~ all of us want to be seen, but are afraid to be.

This morning, though, God in His amazing way pointed out to me in my devotions, that He in fact, is the Man on the bench. And, to every man, woman and child, he sits next to us and sees the tears being choked back, notices the unnoticed, and makes us invisible no more.  And, guess what!!  He loves what He sees!  Remarkable!

You see, God notices us each and every day. He is concerned with every precious moment of our life. We are never truly alone, and we definitely are NOT invisible. He demonstrates His love and that He is noticing us every single day in different ways. I just have to get my head out of the pit and look around me for how He is revealing Himself this day. I am never unnoticed ~ I am never invisible ~ I am never alone. He is the silent hand I hold on the bench that is actually screaming to me through His gifts to me every day, "I love YOU; I want to know YOU; YOU mean everything to Me!"

May you find Him faithful and right there with you in your lonely times as well. He is as near as a whispered prayer.  And, may you find that other lonely person in that room (I guarantee half of them are just like us), and be bold enough to reach out........lonely no more.  :)

God bless you.




(Copyscape protected)

 


We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isaiah 53:6


Today was a busy Mother's Day. A day filled with love and fun, laughter and exhaustion by the end of it. I am sitting here right now in the quiet of my room finally able to think in peace. Glorious silence. I feel so very thankful right now that I am just bursting at the seams. Despite my tiredness, I want to praise Him. Think about Him. Love Him. On nights like this, I know it will be difficult to wind down enough to drift off.

I decided to go on to youtube.com and listen to praise music. I came across the song "Who Am I?"; and it made me stop and think. Really, who am I that the Lord of the universe would pay me any mind? Well, I am His beloved!! My life is just but a moment; like the song says, "a vapor in the wind." But, God cares about every hair on my head. It is so incredible to me, that my finite mind cannot wrap my thoughts around it half the time, and I, ashamedly, fall into disbelief. Most days, though, I have all this knowledge about how much he loves me. And, on a night such as this, in the silence of my room, it fills me with joy indescribable.

As I watched the video, I saw pictures of Jesus. Some lovely, but I did not want to focus on those. I needed to pause on the others in there. His body broken for me. I wanted to stop and take that in tonight. So often, I do not stop and appreciate just exactly what my Lord and Savior did for me. I wanted the image of it to soak into every pore of me. This man, God incarnate, bloodied and beaten, broken and shamed; my God hung upon a cross for me. For me! This vapor in the wind. This woman who makes mistakes at every turn. Each one of my sins were nailed upon that cross with Him; and the result is that I am free and they are paid for. I could never endure what He did on that cross, and He knew that. I could never keep to the letter of the law, so He made an escape. He made a way. FOR ME!! A VAPOR IN THE WIND!! HIS BELOVED!

As I sit and let these thoughts wash over me, a gentle peace fills me, and I feel sleepy enough to try and drift off into my sweet dreams. Yes, me the hopeless yet hopeful dreamer ~ dreaming. Before I do, though, I will lift all of my friends and family up. For you, the one who has gone missing again, know that you are lifted up high and greatly loved and missed.

Loving this song today!!!!   Dancing around my home singing it.........!!!

 

"Take a good look at God's wonders~they'll take your breath away.  He converted sea to dry land; travelers crossed the river on foot.  Now isn't that cause for a song?"   Psalm 66:5

This past week was a difficult week for me.  I was so stressed out that I felt like I was wearing my shoulders as earrings.  Tensions filled my mind and worry abounded.   Things that I needed answers for were not coming quick enough, and a friend disappeared.  Ripped from my world.   Needless to say, it was crummy.   

As the week progressed, I could feel myself slipping into a pit.  I was not doing the things I needed to do to make me feel healthy:  time with God, drinking appropriate amounts of water, exercise, time with good friends.    It amazes me how those simple things can make the hard times a lot easier to cope with, but I don't do them ~ opting instead to further my downward spiral by not ministering to my basic needs.   

Yesterday, though, I spent quality time with an amazing Christian friend.  We do a weekly Bible study together, but we had missed last week.  It was like a washing of my spirit and soul   God met us there, and by the time she left, I already felt better.   It amazes me how speaking about the Lord with someone changes things.  It is as if, by speaking His name, the devil just flees.  I am sure, he did.  

Well, it turned out to be an amazing day.   My wayward friend returned.  Yay!!   And, I was able to reclaim my brain again from stinkin' thinkin' although the heaviness had not completely gone.   This morning, I drank my water, and met with the Lord in a beautiful time of thanksgiving and praise.   Then, I decided to take a long walk around my property.   I had my praise music in my ears, and I was walking.  Head down????   I realized I was walking with my head down!!   Downtrodden, heavy spirit walking.    I then forced myself to look up.   I looked around.   I felt as if I had not appreciated God or His creation in months; like I had been away forever.  Before me, my majestic mountains.   Horses were running in the field in front of me.   The air was fragrant with the buddings of spring.   And I began to weep......with the song playing in my ears building to a crescendo, I had this urge to dance for the Lord.   So, that is what I did.   I threw my hands up in the air, and just spun (Picture The Sound of Music - lol).     It was freeing, and I believe I felt Him smile.  It was as if, by stepping into nature and all of His gifts, I had brought my heart and head home.   

It was lovely.  But then, as all things happen in my funny life,  I looked to my right.  There in the window, a little head peeked through the blinds.  I had to fight off the urge to be embarrassed and allow being seen ruin the moment.  But, I decided not to do that.  Instead, I waved and blew a kiss to the little one, and continued on my walk with a blush on my cheek and a giggle in my heart knowing for sure that the odd neighbor would be the topic over Cheerios that morning.  

~giggles~  

Hopefully, someday, I will get a chance to explain to my new neighbor why the lady next store is so weird;   I am not actually crazy ~ I am just in love with the Lord!!

Have a blessed day!!